Weird bars

In case anyone still reads this....when I saw this, I immediately thought of PND:

Can you read what this restaurant is called? Lame alert.

This isn't a bar. They tricked me good.

There's plenty of places like this. I'll keep taking photos

Balls On Ya

Joe posted the ParryGrip stuff on his blog, but I felt I needed to post up this one as it is a true guffawer.

I'm convinced they're not fake.

If you thought this one was bad, you're in for a treat.

canadians on craigslist!

Super Effective!

Hah. Check out more at http://www.vgcats.com/super/?strip_id=0.

Hey guys, it's just hitting its stride!

On Kanye's new album, from wikipedia:

The entire album is sung by West with the aid of Auto-Tune, aside from one verse by Young Jeezy and a duet with Lil Wayne. West has stated that he loves using Auto-Tune and is dismayed that the term has been commonly associated with being "wack". He considers the technology "the funnest thing to use." West compared the situation to when he was a child and thought the color pink was cool until someone told him "it was gay." He went on to state how the views of society can rob a person of his or her confidence and self-esteem.

Ughhhh. Shoot me.

New Pokemon News

Keeping up to date!



Kablam!

The Worst #3: Teaching Gays A Lesson

Worst/Best/Worst again:


/Best again. Let's just stick to something we can all agree on.

Overheard Wherever I Was

Black Track Girl#1: Oh y'all remember Shareese?
Black Track Girl#2: Yeah. What's up?
Black Track Girl#1: She got married last weekend!
Black Track Girl#2: Ah for real? Wait... wasn't she with that gangsta?
Black Track Girl#1: Yeah he went to jail today. Shareese is a prison wife!

Heard at: UC Berkeley Gym
Duder: T Bone!

Open Your Minds

PND has been consistent from the start with our strong support of McCain with fine, fine youtube bitches. But let's just give you some apple turnover with that coffee cake to seal the deal:

Let's Get Critical

Since Nas' new album dropped (The "N" Word, Untitled, Doodiebin... anything you want to call it!) and Andy is once again splooging, I decided to check up on the album details and producers. Sure enough, the sick beat on Hero was produced by Polow Da Don.

Is the Hero beat prime material for a "My Aphrodite II"?

So I've actually been keeping an eye on this dude ever since Fergie's solo album. I'm not lying, I thought "London Bridge" was a great song, and not-so-secretly danced my ass off to it in Australian bars.

It rocks, and he also produced that hit "fabulous" where Fergie took a big ol' conceited dump on that beat. The next time I saw him surface was on Rich Boy's album, and Rich Boy sucks. But Polow made him look awesome, and Pichfork went on to give Polow a big sloppy bj as they celebrated the album as Polow's coming out party. I meanwhile probably ruined the best beat of the album for everyone by making it my ringtone.

So he's a total duder. Right? Well check this shit out, and decide for yourself! That recent Usher hit "Love in This Club" is a sweet beat by my standards...

So what the fuck do I think about this? Some joker who looks like he's headed to a Kwiatkowski family reunion remakes the beat in 2 seconds? From premade Mac stuff??

I still think Polow's a duder, because I would've never thought to combine that shit on Garage Band. And that's the difference between me and a million dollar producer. Either way, this post is bound to incite some searing hot comments!

Better Know a Pokemon: Vol. 1

Getting started:

One of the greatest inventions related to PND is the transparently titled wine bag game. It's a game, and to play it, you need a wine bag. The rules are fairly simple, name a category, name an instance of that category, and throw the bag to somebody else. They follow suit and name an instance and throw it on, if not, drink. Easy, right?

You'd think so, but rarely does a category get play for more than 5-6 rounds. One such disappointing category was Pokemon. Now, here at PND we have no trouble with the category, but much to our dismay, it seems the general population is in fact *NOT* familiar with your average pocket monster. (We deal in the first 151, you can leave your Nosepass and Flygon at home.) This is the first installment in PND's public service series, Better Know a Pokemon.


This one's for Tommy:

For reasons unknown to the rest of the world, not only is Tommy a big fan of Pokemon (pictured below), but he's a serious fan of the Legendary Birds.



In both instances of the Mars wine bag game Pokemon category, Tommy managed to start the category, and name a legendary bird. In honor of our friend T-bone, what better way is there to start the series than with the coldest of cats, the legendary bird Articuno?


Better Know a Pokemon, #144/151, Articuno:


Articuno is a flying ice Pokemon with killer moves like Ice Beam and Blizzard. If you know what's good for you, and you're playing the Blue or Red gameboy versions, you can find this guy in the Seafoam Islands.

Pokedex info: A legendary bird Pokémon said to appear to doomed people who are lost in icy mountains.

Even Three Six Mafia thinks he's colder than ice. Ha.

Babes in Greeceland

Recently I visited Greece with my family and girlfriend, visiting Athens and the island Santorini. And the legends are true, it's impossible to go anywhere without stumbling into some killer babes! Let me get right down to business with this swift photo recap of some of the hot spots!

The Roman Agora!!

The National Gardens!!

A picturesque fountain in downtown Athens!!

And the great Oracle at Delphi!!

Holy moly! And I got Joe a present at somepoint, along with missing much of the Stanley Cup. But the booty pics were totally worth it.

A Trip to Dave's DinoPark

Dave Hora: Welcome! Welcome to my recently opened DinoPark!


Yes, this is the second in Hora Industries long line of successful DinoParks.

What happened to the other one you say? Well, I wasn't aware that an expensive breed such as Albertosaurus required such delicacies as many tons of meat a week. Apparently the bank doesn't offer loans within 30 seconds of starting a new park.

Well, let's start this game out with a safe Hypsilophodon.

I was out scouting O'Hallaron Park and that looked like a smart approach to such a complicated enterprise such as dino parks. With proper advertising, tour guides, maintenance, and a strong focus on the future, I'm sure I will be able to expand!

A town auction? Well, a fiscal park owner such as myself can't just throw around money at one of those! But I'll go to see the hubub from the local knickerbockers.


HOLY FUCKING CRAP! I saw that shit in Jurassic Park! Dude we have got to get one of those fuckers! Fuck O'Hallaron! He's gonna be scrubbing my bathrooms after my T-fucking-rex chows down on his stupid Coelophy-whatever.

So let's just sell the stupid plant eater, get rid of all these so called "intangible assets"...


Fuck yeah! Those other dinos will just be fillers and I'll feed them to the T-Rex if shit goes sour.

But what's the deal? Where are the guests??

I need advertising! Radio! TV! Somebody dip into the slush fund! Gotta get to the bank!

FORECLOSED??

Dude this game sucks. Fuck that. And fuck you assholes, who the hell played this over Gizmos and Gadgets in grade school anyways. My mouse doesn't even work here, and I gotta make room for the new Justice mixtape. Suck it.

You Can't Be Serious

Recently a few of the Pong Night Diaries fellows and I we're hanging out watching some good ole' fashioned television. Flipping aimlessly through the channels I discovered a cinematic treasure, a film so significant it shaped the very being of my soul, Ghost. Joe and I began to partake in some playful banter of how fucking studly Patrick Swayze is. In the midst of our conversation Dave said something that shook me to the very core. Something that made me lose all belief in humanity, it made me lose faith in myself. Dave had the nerve to ask " Who is Patrick Swayze?" As soon as the last syllable of that question left his tongue 4 babies spontaneously combusted, a nun cried, and a baby panda was ruthlessly clubbed by a baby seal. If that wasn't enough the question was promptly followed by "Is it that guy?" While uttering the phrase he was pointing to the guy in Ghost who has a gheri curl, I began to vomit like a rocket ship. Feeling sun burnt from the sheer ignorance coming from Dave, I was prompted to educated him and blog community on the impact of the Swayzenator. Let's start with the basics.



This was my first step in educating Dave about Swayzee and his Don Magic Juan like pimp hand. I mean come on Demi Moore had to been working on that vase for a good minute. Patrick Swayze wakes up after he passed out like a jagoff ready to get some pre Ashton Kutcher booty. Sticks his hand in it and ruins the fucking vase like Michael Bay ruins anything he touches. Then he has the nerve to laugh it off. If I did the same thing Demi Moore would of GI Janed my ass, but Patrick Swayze gets to drill for oil? You have to respect him, plus he's a dream boat to boot.

Now I still don't feel this is significant enough to fully educate Dave on the Swayze effect. Frankly there isn't enough time in his life or mine to fully grasp the chizzled jaw and sexy abs that is such a man. Over the summer I plan on creating an all Swayze Agenda. We will watch all the classics, Dirty Dancing, both Red and Steel Dawn, Dirty Dancing 2, and my favorite Point Break. Hopefully after all that Dave will realize why he is the wind beneath my proverbial blog wings. Stay tuned for more as I continue to educate on the impact this man has.

Playoff Beard Recap

Since I think... two games into the rangers series I started a playoff beard. I had one before, but right after carnival I shaved it. This was met with "You are such a pussy dude." And "I know this is your girlfriends fault."

Well, it wasn't her fault. I just look like total shit with a beard, and I had never experimented with a real go getter paul bunyon effort. I shaved just before graduation so I didn't look a total immature asshole for professors, family friends, people giving me $100 that I hadn't seen in 5 years and didn't really know who they were...

But here it is! An indepth analysis of the playoff beard!

pregame pants poo.

what a sick soulpatch.

whoa! but that's not the worst...

KABLAMMO!

Last night's brutal smackdown of the pens was the last game I was able to watch since I am leaving for Greece tomorrow, so let's hope this post will ignite the blogger fire within these total duders.

Bust A Nut, Dude

I don't know if everyone has seen this video or not, and sorry to post youtube crap, but this is pretty rich. There used to be and might still be a snack called Corn Nuts, which I never tried, but presumably they sucked ass. They apparently put this radio ad on the air. I'm not sure I believe it, but either way I think it's pretty funny.

Disturbing Truths

Like any good American, I'm very interested in most infomercial products.

Historically, I've been a big fan of Billy Mays' work. The louder he yells, the more interested I get. I can't even begin to describe how angry my roommates are because the majority of our household cupboard space is filled with OxiClean, Orange Glo, Vidalia Slice Wizards, a carton of Mighty Putty... the list goes on. If I had the money I'd buy a fleet of Awesome Augers, but I hear the shipping is killer.

My current favorite product is the Shamwow. Can you believe that thing? Look at how it soaks up the cola! I'll admit that Vince doesn't have half the enthusiasm of Billy Mays, nor does he have a rockin' beard, but I give him points for trying. And look at that thing soak up all that cola!! Sweet baby jesus, that rules.

But I digress. After spending $25 on a reasonable-quality haircut this afternoon, I realized there's a product out there that would eradicate my need to ever pay for haircuts again. You guessed it, the Flowbee!



Imagine, a set of clippers hooked up to your vacuum. No mess, no barber necessary, just clip, suck, and be done with it. Of course, before committing my hard-earned cash to the purchase, I decided to do a little research; you know, get a feel for the Flowbee brand and the classy folks who use it.

I was shocked to find that, unlike what I'd previously expected, the people who used Flowbee were anything but classy, and in fact, I think they're god-damned crazy.



What. The. HELL is with this lady? I don't even want to talk about it. Within seconds of watching that thing I was done with the Flowbee.

Don't ask me why, but I decided to dig a bit further, and this is where things get weird...







Oh my god. Somehow, your standard Flowbee user manages to wear the same shirt (I think it comes with the system), strike the same pose (instructions in the manual?), and always, always have a TERRIBLE-LOOKING HAIRCUT. Ack!

The Reckoning

It's What We Do
You may not be aware, dear reader, but a common activity enjoyed by the PND staff during our sparse downtime is beer pong. And we don't joke about beer pong. Sure, sometimes we'll mix it up, and throw down dixie-cup style...


...but we're still not joking.

So when a couple of suckers roll up and challenge us to a game, we accept. And when a couple of suckers roll up, challenge us to a game, force us to play on a non-standard, non-4'x8' and not-even-plywood pong table, we accept. Of course, this results in one of two outcomes: 1. we deliver to those suckers the sickest game of pong they've ever seen, and 2. somehow those suckers eke out a victory (generally via saran wrap on their cups).

Dark Times
One evening, not so many moons ago, in fact only days ago, the PND staff team of Tommy and yours truly failed to deliver Outcome 1. Devastating. Tommy's hair instantly grew long and black, and he dealt with the situation the only way he knew how: deep, despairing depression.

Heads hung low, we walked away from defeat in shame. For days, Tommy remained inconsolable. My own despondence was a physical force, a weight pressing down from above, a personal thundercloud that promised to turn the cheeriest of times into a funereal affair. My god, I think we were clinging to all we had left: guns and religion.

A Glimmer of Hope
On the evening of Thursday, May 8th, Tommy's despair lifted, if only ever so slightly. For on that day, he was to witness the only possible performance worse than our pong night experience: Pittsburgh Pirates baseball.

Defying all expectations, the Buccos won. John Madden would go on to claim that the key to the Pirates ball-game was scoring more runs than the other team.

Tommy instantly sprang into action, realizing that if the Bucs can win a ball game, by god, we can AND WILL, slam down some suckers like they've never been slammed before. Expertly arranging for the arrival of pizza, Tommy sped post-haste to PND half-headquarters, with suckers in tow, and the game was on.

Make no mistake, it wasn't revenge we were after. It was a reckoning.

Throwing Down
When Tommy arrived, the suckers immediately turned to last-resort tactics: hip-hop bashing. The psychological warfare was starting early.



Gametime. Tommy is on fire. Literally. His eyes are blazing, but his hands are rock steady. He shoots heat seeking missiles. I perform well, but don't match up to T-bone, I swear he's been attacked by a radioactive spider. Game 1 is a blur, sheer beer pong destruction.

Game 2. The suckers recover from the nuclear bomb that T has just dropped on them. With all of their effort they muster enough game to sneak one past us. We're even, 1 and 1.

Rubber match. There is so much intense high-fiving and sucker-hating shared between us that I've got the missiles now, too. At the close of the game, I home in on their last cup, it was like dropping a marble in kiddie pool. With the odds against them, team suckers put enough away in redemption for overtime. Overtime 1: we give up some momentum, they think they've won. Of course, we force overtime 2. We will not lose. The suckers drop the ball during 2nd overtime, in fact, they drop it anywhere but in our cups. Victory.

The suckers sit the fuck down...


... but wait, are they still smiling?

Nails in the Coffin
We know this won't do. They still think they've got game. It's almost like when the bad guy thinks he has a chance before the good guy goes Super Saiyan and BUSTS HIS ASS UP. It. Is. On.


I look at Tommy, and he looks back. Have you ever known, beyond a shred of a doubt, that you are about to completely and utterly destroy your competition? This is our shared understanding.

Tommy sinks one. A gentle splash follows as I do the same. Somehow, we waste our rollbacks, this is their chance to get lucky. And yes, they get lucky. Sucker number 1 misses. Sucker number 2 shoots a wild shot, it rings around the outside of back left, hops across the middle of the formation, and drops into back right. It happened so fast we couldn't defend.

Tommy understands that one cup is already too many. His anger is visible, his will to dominate a force in its own right. He can't miss anymore, and he doesn't. They have three cups left. I am in the zone, I'm throwing more marbles into their kiddie pool. They have two cups left. Tommy smirks as he devastates the opposition, they're down to one. I don't hesitate to shoot. I don't need to look at the outcome, I know where that ball is going. Tommy knows where that ball is going. The suckers realize where that ball is going. Game over.

The crowd goes fucking wild. The announcer can't even believe his eyes. Welcome to PND beer pong, it's serious shit.

The Joke's On You...

...you just don't know it yet.

Breaking News: Young Black Male Evades Campus Police, Authorities Baffled By "Super Speed"

So as I'm walking to class at about noon this morning this dude who just looked like a student in basketball gear goes flying by me as I exit Wean. Seconds later I hear a CMU bike cop scream "STOP THAT MAN!!" And a guy who looked like he was from food services is power walking to catch the black kid and the bike cop is already a football field behind after starting within 20 feet. This kid was not that fast, although he was running for his life. It was more of us having the slowest cops I have ever seen in my life. I think the university should seriously consider fast scooters or maybe rocket skates to further insure my protection. The kid was caught later, I believe, as there was a big hulaballoo outside my class soon after where tons of people were watching and many cops were walking by.

Job search

So the job search has been a major concern of mine recently, oftentimes I'll think about really weird jobs that I'd consider taking. And I mean jobs that are like one in a billion, like that dude from the verizon wireless commercials who just fuckin walks in the background. Can you imagine being that guy? I know it seems sweet right, but if you knew what you were getting yourself into as that guy, I bet you'd think pretty hard about accepting that job. I bet the verizon wireless dude cries himself to sleep everynight in his bed made out of money.

"Is this how I'm contributing to society?" That''s what you'd ask yourself every morning as you lay next to 2 naked broads you don't remember ever having met. Then you'd roll onto the set in your hummer, arriving 8 hours later than the sound guys and stage crews, sit in a chair with your name on it sippin on a tall chilled glass of yoohoo as cameramen and other people with skilled jobs give you dirty looks. Then you film your 4 second commercial where other annoying ass, talentless people actually do the hard part -- and for fucks sake these people fucking SUCK at it too, why is it so hard to find real actors for this sortof crap? theyre gettin paid so much goddam money honestly it is not that hard! Anyway filming wraps up in the course of about 5 minutes of actual work, so you peace out as the stage hands spend the next couple of days cleaning up the set. Meanwhile, you hit up the nearest D-list celebrity club and get photographed in pictures with agent scully and the son of the guy who played huggy bear. That guy will be your best friend, because he's one of about 4 people in the world about whom you can say "I'm working harder than him." Then you grab 2 bitches in the club that've always wanted to bang a celebrity, spend an extra 25 minutes telling the 250,000th rendition of the how-you-got-that-job story because they're dumb as fuck, bang them WITH your horn-rimmed glasses on, and go back to sleep atop your pile of money.

Metro East All-Region Hype!: Willem Dafoe

Ahhh yeah! It's hype time! And you motherfuckers who play club or go to nationals think you know anything?? Wrong! This ramrodder has all your "knowledge" in his left index finger than you. And guess what! He's rightie! So that shit isn't even needed to throw his sandblasting flick hucks! Oh, bad form you say? Couldn't get away with that playing teams from other schools with a 40,000+ student body? Well, I'm not even gonna answer that, cause let's face it, I can change topics in my hype posts faster than you can put together arguments.

Did you see his dump cut?? DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!? That's pop-out action my friend, and now he's in his power position and you guys are screwed. Yup, better throw in the towel if this is a downwinder, cause there's a 40% chance that's a goal. Upwind? Like how often do you have to go UPWIND at regionals?? Obviiii, you've never been.

And did we mention?? He's Willem God Damn Dafoe! He's the man! Who on your team was in Boondock Saints? Let's get real people. Also, whatever you think you know about ultimate parties, this guy knows more. We pregame like you party! And then, most importantly, we travel back in time and get 9 hours of sleep so we are well rested when get ready to crush some D3 losers. It's on. Better cast your vote now, cause you're gonna be looking like an idiot when this guy is stepping down the ME All-Consummate-Region Red Carpet.

The Worst: #2

The worst use of a Pennsylvania Primary vote:

God dammit.

The Worst: #1

The idea is when I find something that fits into the category of "The Worst", I can add another post to the series. Anyways, here is the first installment, we'll see how it goes.

It will be titled: The Worst Use of Steroids.

And I'm not talking about the most excessive use or anything like that. Just the guy who has used them, and then taken the least advantage of the fact that he is jacked. For example he could be lifting heavy things in front of babes, or even lifting the babes themselves. He could be cruising pool side in a brightly colored banana hammock, or kicking sand in boyfriend's faces.

This guy wins the award for worst use of steroids.

Maybe he sent that video to some babes, but either way, he wins.

Survival Showdown: Les Stroud vs. Bear Grylls

If you watch TV, you've probably been exposed to either Man vs. Wild or Survivorman in some sense. Both are shows that feature wilderness survival experts doing what they do best... surviving in the wilderness. But how do these survival experts and their shows compare?


Man vs. Wild
The Host:
Bear Grylls is the host of Man vs. Wild. His Wikipedia page lists him as a British mountaineer, adventurer, author, television presenter and motivational speaker. It fails to mention that he isan asshole. He has very few friends and a deep psychological need for the attention he thinks he deserves. He created his own page's "Feats and Record Attempts" section on Wikipedia in hopes of persuading women to sleep with him and young children to adore him. Most of these feats and records are made up.

It is widely recognized that Bear Grylls drinks his own urine for the taste, rather than out of necessity, and enjoys smearing his flesh and clothing with feces. That's not dirt in the picture up there...

The Show:
Man vs. Wild is based on the premise of exploiting Bear Grylls' need for attention to film extraordinary feats of survival in extreme locations. The MvW production crew scouts out dangerous looking locations near heavily touristed areas (Bear demands that he sleep in a five-star resort every night), and scripts out a plausible story about the dangers of the area. Bear convinces the viewer that he is indeed in a dangerous location, and usually attempts to point out that if you were to try what he is about to do, you'd die.





Survivorman
The Host:
Wikipedia credits Survivorman's host, Les Stroud, as a Canadian musician, film maker, and survival expert best known as the host of the television program Survivorman. Despite being Canadian, Les Stroud is an intelligent, articulate and talented individual. Unlike Bear Grylls, he is a true man of the wilderness, evidenced by the fact that he does not regularly wax his chest. Les is also a musician and a filmmaker.

The Show:
Survivorman is based on a simple premise: one man, Les Stroud, knows how to survive. Anything. Unfortunately, the show is usually limited to Les' feats that don't break societally accepted notions of what is possible. I don't know if the "Seven Days on the Moon without Air" episode will ever be unleashed upon the world. Typical episodes are centered on Les surviving alone in the arctic for a week, Les surviving alone in a swamp in Georgia, and other similarly harsh and uninviting environs. Les always travels alone, and carries an extra 50+ pounds of camera gear to ensure that the survival situations are real, and you get a first hand look at what it takes to live through such an ordeal.


Summary & Conclusion: Survivorman is the real deal. Les Stroud has been verified by Ripley's Believe it or Not to have turned water in to wine. Man vs. Wild is a joke and Bear Grylls pees on his clothes so he can savor the aroma for days to come.

Dan Onorato: "I never want anyone under 60 years old in Pittsburgh to vote for me again."

First the drink tax that has ruined my 1 dollar pitchers at boomerangs, and now this:


I have to stay in the craphole of Edinboro for the weekend in butt awful weather... and I come home to this?

This is the last straw. Carnival is going to be a blood bath... of PND hilarity, smiles and slaps on the rump! Hey!

Moral Dilemma: Juno Sucking vs. CMU Pride

Tomorrow 'Smart People' opens up and features the scenic backdrop of our amazing campus, Carnegie Mellon University. I really like our campus, and I am happy that the ugly buildings that don't match the traditional architecture of the university are mostly hidden (Wean, the Gates Building)... This makes me psyched to see it in a movie, because I WAS THERE!!! THAT'S KIND OF MY HOME!!! SUCK IT!!!

However, this movie stars Ellen Page. It also stars Sarah Jessica Parker who isn't very attractive to me and has to be pretty old by now. But let's get back to Ellen Page. Ellen Page = Juno.

As many PND and tommycive.blogspot.com frequenters know, I fucking hate Juno. God I hate this movie. Anytime I hear someone discussing how original it was, I shake with rage. I constantly regret that I had no idea Ellen Page was on my campus for an extended period of time as I would have protested the film shooting until she gave me my money back for that 90 minutes of absolute torture. Not only was she massively annoying with her completely 'uncaring' attitude and over the top rudeness, she was FAT AND PREGNANT! She reminded me, kind of, of this fat girl who was talking too much and hogging the mic on rock band at Christo's one night. Via the commutative property, you suck Ellen Page and I hate you too.

A friend of mine noted that if I hated Juno and Ellen Page's character in that movie, it is going to be much of the same in Smart People. A snobby, unattractive girl (a leader of a high school young republican's club seeking perfect SATs... does it get worse??) who has too much to bear at such a hard age! Go to hell you unoriginal writers, and maybe someone should apologize to Ms. Page's mother for typecasting her in the most awful way possible.

Anyways, at this point I think I am still going to see this movie just because I love our campus a lot and really want to see it made look good. CMU rocks, and if Ellen Page says one bad word about this place in this movie, we are taking a PND road trip and we are gonna throwdown you suckwad.

4 Slash 0 Slash 4 Again Star Movies

3 Zombie Movies you may or may not enjoy:

Zombi 3:

My friend recently burned this for me, and I will say it is one of the worst movies I've ever seen but if you know what you're getting yourself into, it can be one of the most mediocre movies you've ever seen... maybe. A sequel to the unofficial sequel to Dawn of the Dead, I think it's worth watching. It is worth it not only for some terrible writing and great one liners:

"I'm feeling better now Patricia, just thirsty... FOR YOUR BLOOOOD"

but for some good cheap gore, and zombies hiding in piles of hay. If you want to borrow it, lemme know. As my friend states, "the zombies don't even want to eat you really, they just want to beat your ass."

Today is day 0.


Dead Alive:
This is actually my favorite movie of all time, not joking, and it's great in a different way than Zombi 3. Directed by Peter Jackson in his glory non lord of the rings days, Dead Alive is worth watching because he's done things with zombies I've never imagined. It's not a "so bad it's good" zombie movie, Peter Jackson does a great job directing, and there's as much gore as you could ask for. I think it gained some popularity when the Lord of The Rings movies came out, so you might be rent this somewhere close to you. Watch this movie.




Night of the Living Dead 3-D (2-D Version):

"The dead will never look so alive!" and then they should add to that, "and then two dimensional again". I didn't make it through this movie, but when we saw it in the red box we figured, the fact that they made Night of The Living Dead into a 3-D movie and then released a 2-D version of the 3-D movie, was worth a dollar. I'm going to say the first hour or so was actually pretty funny,and if nothing else you get to see some chicks boobs in a kinky barn sex scene (If you're a girl and don't like boobs or the movie, I guess you're boned.) I've heard that if you make it to the end of the movie though, you might regret having sacrificed 2 hours of your life to finish it. If I were you, I would watch the first hour and then go to sleep. Either way, if you see this in your local red box, I'de pick it up.

Penguins Playoff Preview

No I'm not writing some sort of analysis, because I don't know too much about hockey but love watching us do things that I think are cool as shit. And I did it for most of the last 2 seasons! Either way, we are facing the smuggest group of hockey fans ever in the Ottawa Senators in the first round after blowing our last game to Philly. So I'd like to do a PND synopsis of the gigantic media hype surrounding the series.

First of all, Pensblog is awesome. Total one sided game reviews with sweet photoshopped stuff and a big reader base. So keeping up with that and some other ESPN and Post-Gazette writings, the feeling is that the Pens blew the last game on purpose to play the Senators who have lost a bunch of players and have started sucking. So everyone is pulling a super over-analysis and saying that the Pens will absolutely lose cause because they have already overlooked the super-dynamo-Senators-that-totally-sucked-for-the-last-month-but-are only-lulling everyone-into-a-false-sense-of-security-mega-team.

Either way, the Senators' version of the pensblog posted this playoff preview and the flow of comments from Pens fans are great, but part of one really stood out to me:

Anonymous said...

....Remember last year. It's revenge time. You MAPLE SUCKING MOOSE FUCKING CHILD TOUCHERS ARE DONE. THIS IS GOING TO BE MORE FUN THAN TAKING YOUR WIFE OUT TO A NICE SEAFOOD DINNER AND NEVER CALLING HER AGAIN.

Does anyone get the Seafood part? Or am I an idiot and I'm going to have to edit this post to take out my inappropriate comment ignorance.

EDIT: Thanks Davey. Good to know that "a nice seafood dinner" wasn't like the double shocker spliced with the eiffel tower crossed with the houdini, and everyone knew about it but me.

Beer Reviews: Whirlwind 2008

God damn delicious.

Pong Night Diary: 04/04/08

Dear Diary,

Last night was pong night. It's been over a month since I have participated in our eponymous activity. Fun was had all around, and somehow I ended up at Silky's both before and after pong night.

Highlights included:

• good people - except for Kyle, my mortal enemy
• loud music - of course
• beer pong - obviously
• shotgunning pounders - I'm back in the game
• bags of crickets - still in my house, I think
• Indian project thieves - reconciliation has been reached
• powerful man musk (POWERFUL) - god damn Joe
• post-pong hand massages - somewhat weird

The end.

Carnival 2008!!!!

(a preview!)

Toast Post

I wrote a whole post about why toast is not deserving of it's own name, and shouldn't be considered separate from bread, and then I found this website.

Dr. Toast

Amazing.

Centex Sunday!!!

Bird:

Duece:

Spring Break 2008!!!!