Wednesday, June 4, 2008

You Can't Be Serious

Recently a few of the Pong Night Diaries fellows and I we're hanging out watching some good ole' fashioned television. Flipping aimlessly through the channels I discovered a cinematic treasure, a film so significant it shaped the very being of my soul, Ghost. Joe and I began to partake in some playful banter of how fucking studly Patrick Swayze is. In the midst of our conversation Dave said something that shook me to the very core. Something that made me lose all belief in humanity, it made me lose faith in myself. Dave had the nerve to ask " Who is Patrick Swayze?" As soon as the last syllable of that question left his tongue 4 babies spontaneously combusted, a nun cried, and a baby panda was ruthlessly clubbed by a baby seal. If that wasn't enough the question was promptly followed by "Is it that guy?" While uttering the phrase he was pointing to the guy in Ghost who has a gheri curl, I began to vomit like a rocket ship. Feeling sun burnt from the sheer ignorance coming from Dave, I was prompted to educated him and blog community on the impact of the Swayzenator. Let's start with the basics.

This was my first step in educating Dave about Swayzee and his Don Magic Juan like pimp hand. I mean come on Demi Moore had to been working on that vase for a good minute. Patrick Swayze wakes up after he passed out like a jagoff ready to get some pre Ashton Kutcher booty. Sticks his hand in it and ruins the fucking vase like Michael Bay ruins anything he touches. Then he has the nerve to laugh it off. If I did the same thing Demi Moore would of GI Janed my ass, but Patrick Swayze gets to drill for oil? You have to respect him, plus he's a dream boat to boot.

Now I still don't feel this is significant enough to fully educate Dave on the Swayze effect. Frankly there isn't enough time in his life or mine to fully grasp the chizzled jaw and sexy abs that is such a man. Over the summer I plan on creating an all Swayze Agenda. We will watch all the classics, Dirty Dancing, both Red and Steel Dawn, Dirty Dancing 2, and my favorite Point Break. Hopefully after all that Dave will realize why he is the wind beneath my proverbial blog wings. Stay tuned for more as I continue to educate on the impact this man has.

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