Monday, February 25, 2008

The Answer to All Our Questions

Official Pokedex.

Don't know what we're gonna discuss at PHI anymore.

The game has changed.

Gchat allows invisibility. (At least in the web version of the client.)

Now what?

This is a serious issue, especiallly since gchat puts our online contacts up top. Like the article says, the big choice here is to be available or invisible. If everyone chooses invisible, is gchat dead?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Oscars!

It's Oscar night!

Be prepared for sappy speeches, Jon Stewart being funny occasionally, and cross your fingers for a complete shutout of Juno.

More to come once the envelopes are opened!

Update 1: Juno loses Best Actress: we've jumped one hurdle. Onwards, Oscars!

Update 2: There Will Be Blood takes best cinematography. The Oscars aren't managing to disappoint yet, still no wins for Juno, let's keep this train rolling!

Update 3: THE TRAIN HAS LEFT THE TRACKS. Derailed. Crashed. Somehow Diablo Cody persuaded the Academy to give Juno Best Original Screenplay. My guess? A few lap dances... at the least.

Update 4: A glimmer of hope! As told to me over gchat before my HD programming was able to deliver: Daniel Day Lewis wins Best Actor! DDAY BABY! Yeah!

Update 5 (final word): Well, There Will Be Blood doesn't take the cake, but No Country For Old Men isn't a bad gig. But really, we all know TWBB was the best, what the hell does the Academy know? They actually thought Juno was worth my hour and a half, buncha jokers.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Showdown Pregame Analysis

As we draw closer and closer to biggest thing since the Gordini, I thought I'd jump on the pregame analysis before Emmitt Smith crushed me. We will start with Team Mario Strikers, since I am most familiar with all their strengths, quirks, and dipping sauce preferences.

Dave 'Chain Chomp' Hora

OCD? His room might suggest it. But those close to DaveHo know that when it's time, he knows how to get in the dirt. He's not afraid to get his backpack completely filled with wine and broken glass if it means putting a young punk in his place temporarily. He brings to the table a peace of mind and perseverance that just might keep his two teammates from panicking in the heat of the first sixer. However, he is also an honest realist, and can bring the crushing mental blow of not lying when his teammates ask "hey, uh, are we totally fucked?"

T-Bone's Last Word: Widely considered the #2 draft pick, if there was some sort of draft, before the actual showdown, instead of us just getting drunk and thinking this was a good idea.

Tommy 'Birdo Curve' Hendrickson

With only recent experience in the case race department, Tommy has been thought by many as incapable of holding down when the chips are in. All signs would point to yes after this past weekend's performance. Still, many see this young buck as one to rebound quickly, and possibly the greatest, most annoying, psychological disturbance in all of IM sports and the UPA. Years of experience in creative pong defense reinforces this statement. Still, in a tight race like this, Tommy getting drunk sooner to suppress his gag reflex are absolutely clutch in pulling off the upset of senior year.

T-Bone's Last Word: This man is an x-factor. Everything will depend on his mindset and ability to adjust to the stupid things that come out of kyle's mouth.

Joe 'Toad Hop' O'Hallaron

Critics have bashed his recent 'lack of practice' but all that will change after Joey-O's "thursday night practice power hour." Yes, ever improving time trials suggest that The Glow is set to prove the doubters wrong, and he's doing it one giant beef lo-mein at a time. Teammates will have to keep this member completely at ease, because the devastating hurricane of self-doubt is ever looming in this wine-bottle-in-the-backpack-breaker's mind. He will have remember his freshman year power hour training, and know that just as minutes 10-15, 20-26, 30-32, and sometimes 6 are the hardest, the same is true of the case race.

T-Bone's Last Word: If this Seoul-Brother gets rolling, watch out. He could be the straw that breaks Steve 'Camel' Blair's back.

Team Rock Band

Kyle 'All the Small Things' Holland

First of all, this man is a mystery. Other than a picture of a cute dog, this was the next most accurate image. Kyle was the backbone of the summer's DK express, and hopes to outshine his former partner again. Kyle must keep his focus on not playing too much daft punk, or his all-star classic rock loving team captain may get upset and the entire game could change. Critics point to kyle's fallout from Assassin's Creed, but others view him as a Striker's natural. Fans are frustrated by his constant passing, and those hits can pile up red shells against him. And everyone knows, red shells = protection = mega strikes = puketown. But this man is level headed, as his shining A in Warren G's rigorous materials course would suggest.

T-Bone's Last Word: This playmaker's tendency to do homework during a throwdown maybe his downfall.

Tim 'Say It Ain't So' Sandy

A seemingly bottomless stomach, this man is the undisputed guzzler. Built for speed or super-ultra-marathons, Tim holds all titles other than shotgunning. Not only does he drink a ton, his skills are a psychological jack hammer that can pound his opponents, along with his clever and cutting one liners. Yes, the "Papa Roach" is truly a formidable opponent. Only dirty play can hold him back, but if he gets really sick from his first beer it's only because sometimes PBR can have random salmonella poisoning.

T-Bone's Last Word: Let's hope he can get by the booby traps outside.

Steve 'Sabotage' Blair

Teammates like to call him "the grandfather", "the emotional rock", and "california sun." Seen here being totally gay, Steve is the epitome of consistency and a calm persona. The atmosphere in Silky's completely changes when this man walks in, and the shuffle board always clears out as he saunters over. "Gimme a Sierra Nevada, but only if the special's still on," he proclaims as he winks and points to the waitress. Yes, this man commands respect like non-other, and won't lose his head after dave blacks out and tells him the same story the ninetieth time in a row. Still, critics wonder if he still has the motivation for another round, as this philosophical mind sometimes wanders and searches for the deeper answers. Sometimes, Steve, you just have to give up wondering why PBR never lets you down, except for those random salmonella poisonings.

T-Bone's Last Word: If Timbo somehow conks out and slows down, look for Steveo to throw down those final2 sips.

The Prediction: JB gets wasted on gin and diet tonic and spills all the beer. Rematch to be rescheduled.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Playboys are Alright

Jenna recently graced our bathroom with some early 80's Playboys. I picked one up while dumping, and ruffled through it quickly trying to get a preview of some Boobage, but alas, I did not see one pair of Jubblies. This was unexpected, but I had some time to kill so I dove in.

Other than some hairy vag dusted throughout the issue, I found some fantastic ads from the 80's and some even better literature.

Exhibit A: Get a good look at this dudes face. I've never seen someone so happy to be riding an exerbike. We've come a long way from the Walkmen.

Exhibit B:
This is my favorite.

"He's a Dingo man down to his feet. And when he starts walkin', people start talkin'. Because he walks in the fast lane and he's all legs, There's a Dingo boot to fit the way you dress, the way you live, and also your mutant penis leg (Where does he tuck the balls???). So follow OJ's lead, and get in step with Dingo. "

OJ is the man, I didn't know about this but apparently Jimmy Kimmel did a parody of it already, which makes it about 1/6th as funny, or even not funny at all, I'll let you decide.

"Juiced with O.J. Simpson was a pay per view special featuring O.J. Simpson doing candid camera antics with unsuspecting citizens. When Simpson would reveal that the people were on camera, he would say that they have been "juiced". "

The moral of the story is, don't put an old playboy aside just because you think all you can get out of it is a hairy snatch here and a weird looking nipple there.

Dig a little deeper, and you might find some mildly funny advertisements, a funny word game like this:

or an interview with Chevy Chase. Apparently that guy can eat a whole sandwich in one bite.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

reppin the TPND

Yo was there really a ton of anticipation for this? I feel like i should make another metaphor to explain this than the dude in the action movie who sits around durin the big fight scenes and then does somethin sweet. How about this: I'm the christo of TPND, like i wait around until stall 9, and then i make a really sweet throw. But sometimes its a turnover ok they happen

i was expectin somethin big to happen last night, but instead it was just weird shit happenin to everyone else. Especially after me and T-bone did 8-minute abs i thought somethin would be up but like that was the end. As soon as we ended up at hemingays i knew the night had set sail for weird island. Things I learned:

  • I can't be around joe while drinkin without trying to motivate him to win, or without encouraging him to start doin pushups
  • DH LOVES fallin on backpacks full of wine
  • I'm never touching a banister/ parking meter/ wall near a bar ever again
  • It's totally legit to grab a babe at hemingways and just stick your tongue down her throat
  • Bush has a sweet beard.
  • Andy Capp's Hot fries are still delicious
T was also givin me shit for thinkin i'm above cmu people, and then to support his argument started to list off like the average SAT scores and salaries of graduates. I didnt buy it. I'm still above you. I will outball, outmetaphor, outconversate, outprogram (ah wait, better take that one back), outeyebrowraise, outvomit, and just flat out murder the #1 ranked cmu contender in each of those areas. Believe that shit.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Quick, grab the blowtorch!

It's come to my attention that there are "several" microwaves sitting unused in my basement. It's also come to my attention that if we had a blowtorch available, we could go into the business of melting beer bottles.

To some this may seem unsafe, but with an extension cord I feel that it's quite feasible to attempt this outside on say, a front porch, with minimal oh-my-god-the-house-is-burning risk. Plus, let's weigh the risks vs. the benefits here: near infinitesimal chance of burning down a house vs. insanely hot glowy melting beer bottles - it's a hands down winner before we even bring plasma outbreaks to the table.

So, somebody get a blowtorch, and I'll get together a good story for the roommates when one of their microwaves is broken and full of molten glass out on the front porch.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Pittsburgh's Blazin' Hip Hop and R&B!

The best thing I've heard on WAMO since "Aw Nah Hell Nah MONDAYS!":

Code Red (DJ): Ok! That was Wyclef at the #4 spot on our countdown... WAMO what's good?
Caller: Hey yo! Did I win the tickets??
Code Red: Yes you did! Did you write down all the songs on the countdown?
Caller: Yeah!
Code Red: Well! That's impossible cause we're only at number 4 out of 10 songs. But good luck!

This guy is all over!

Our 4-time Mr. Universe amigo Mike O'Hearn - perhaps better known as the American Gladiator TITAN - has a past chock full of exciting action roles, martial arts, magazine covers (470 covers!), even romance novel covers.

But did you know that he's Superman, too?

One last bonus fact: he was added as the gladiator Thor in season 6 of the original series, but was never televised.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Archie Party!

I think we can safely say that all Architecture majors are either jagoffs, corn ballers, or Jenna. Me and Tommy almost got into fisticuffs with some of these architecture majors at a party, believe it or not, because I'm a red faced Asian (I'm pretty sure of this). Ching chang chong.

At the party, I took this portrait of myself with a mystery camera, and just now I have been tagged on Facebook by one Hao Su. I thought the following dialog was funny.

The caption under the picture is:
"i dont know who this is."

Below that:
"Sam Kriegler wrote
at 3:25pm on February 10th, 2008
i do, JD Dan and I were about to kick his ass haha"

Just so we can get a sense of what kind of guy Sam Kriegler is, let's check out his profile.
About Me: I must admit i am a pretty cool guy, most people get along with me, and if you dont, well you suck. I play rugby, I am in SigmaPhiEpsilon - a fraternity :o and I am an architecture major."

Anyways, I immediately de-tagged myself from the photo so I don't get beat up by JD, Dan, Sam, and the rest of the Sigma Epsilon Mafia. Thanks Hao.

Lastly, I would like to say that posting a video of Kanye at the grammys shouldn't earn Tommy the grand title of "Designated Coolest Youtube Contributor". Partially due to the fact that the video advertises another blog in the middle (2:14), and also due to the fact that I could find a cooler YouTube video by searching for "babies first lemon".

Giddy Up

Designated Coolest Youtube Contributor

Woo! Other than the sunglasses that are gonna rock our Glow in the Dark Carnival party 2008, you might want to skip a lot of this performance until 2:45 (Check out the ecto cooler synth gear!):

The Creation Story

... and on a Tuesday, Joey said:

Joey: we should start a group blog


Dave: yes
let's do it

Joey: cool, i'm gonna start it


Joey: what is it going to be called?

Dave: the pong night diaries?

Joey: squirrel hill drinking society

Dave: haha

Joey: haha

Dave: yours is probably better

Joey: i like pong night diaries

Dave: jesus christ
we're so gay

Joey: wow i was just going to say we're so gay


Joey: i'm not quite sure

...and then there was Blog.