Thursday, May 1, 2008

Job search

So the job search has been a major concern of mine recently, oftentimes I'll think about really weird jobs that I'd consider taking. And I mean jobs that are like one in a billion, like that dude from the verizon wireless commercials who just fuckin walks in the background. Can you imagine being that guy? I know it seems sweet right, but if you knew what you were getting yourself into as that guy, I bet you'd think pretty hard about accepting that job. I bet the verizon wireless dude cries himself to sleep everynight in his bed made out of money.

"Is this how I'm contributing to society?" That''s what you'd ask yourself every morning as you lay next to 2 naked broads you don't remember ever having met. Then you'd roll onto the set in your hummer, arriving 8 hours later than the sound guys and stage crews, sit in a chair with your name on it sippin on a tall chilled glass of yoohoo as cameramen and other people with skilled jobs give you dirty looks. Then you film your 4 second commercial where other annoying ass, talentless people actually do the hard part -- and for fucks sake these people fucking SUCK at it too, why is it so hard to find real actors for this sortof crap? theyre gettin paid so much goddam money honestly it is not that hard! Anyway filming wraps up in the course of about 5 minutes of actual work, so you peace out as the stage hands spend the next couple of days cleaning up the set. Meanwhile, you hit up the nearest D-list celebrity club and get photographed in pictures with agent scully and the son of the guy who played huggy bear. That guy will be your best friend, because he's one of about 4 people in the world about whom you can say "I'm working harder than him." Then you grab 2 bitches in the club that've always wanted to bang a celebrity, spend an extra 25 minutes telling the 250,000th rendition of the how-you-got-that-job story because they're dumb as fuck, bang them WITH your horn-rimmed glasses on, and go back to sleep atop your pile of money.


  1. whoa can we say

  2. ah snap i just found out that the son of the guy who played huggy bear is justin fargas, running back on the oakland raiders. what an odd coincidence